Being a referee is easier than you might think, and it’s an excellent way to get involved in your child’s football journey and be supportive. You just need a basic grasp of football rules, a sense of fair play, and courage in your convictions.
Referees are essential to grassroots football, and is a bit of a thankless task. But the game can’t run without one. For my son’s under 7’s team we have a lead coach, and I do the admin and referee. Both are critical roles to going ahead, but our lives would be easier and they’d be more focus on the kids with more refs stepping up.
Let’s be honest, there are probably many reasons you might hesitate to referee your child’s match. The level of abuse in adult football can easily put anyone off the idea (indeed, it’s not uncommon at youth level too). However, grassroots football relies heavily on volunteers, and the coach already has a lot on their plate without seeing parents shy away from getting involved.
For younger age groups, refereeing grassroots football is relatively simple, and it’s an incredibly rewarding task. Not only does it help the game run smoothly, but it’s genuinely enjoyable to be on the pitch, experience the match from the same perspective as your child, and feel like you’re part of the action. Plus, it’s a fantastic excuse to get some exercise, especially during chilly winter days!
The good news is, for proper grassroots football tournaments, they hire professional refs.
Here are some practical tips to help you get started as a referee:
What to Wear (or not)
You’ve probably seen the jokes about ‘Refs in Jeans’ on social media, but one of the key differences between being comfortable on a football pitch and feeling out of place is wearing the right gear. You don’t need football boots or an official FA kit to get started – an old pair of trainers and comfortable joggers will do.
However, as the pitches become muddy, it’s wise to wear boots to avoid becoming part of the entertainment! Ideally, try to avoid wearing the colours of either team or the goalkeeper, but if that happens, a bib is usually available to help you stand out.
I tend to wear my coaches kit with a black jumper on top. Trust me, the parents respect level goes up when they know you are a coach.
The kids should be in non-clashing kits, but do say if you are having trouble establishing which side is which, or who is in goal. Most coaches have a kit bag containing bibs as a backup.
Kit Yourself Out
You don’t need much equipment to referee a game. But a whistle and a watch are essential. You’ll need something that accurately keeps time, whether it’s a stopwatch or the clock on your phone. You can get someone to do this from the sidelines, and I always ask a 3rd person to keep score as a back up. If not refereeing, I naturally put the scores into my phone as goals go in and quarters end.
Ask the coaches about the duration of the game – for U7 and U8, matches typically consist of four periods lasting between 10 and 15 minutes each. Set a timer or stopwatch at the start of each period.
If the ball goes out of play, keep the clock running, otherwise, the game will drag on forever. If there’s a long break for things like substitutions, shoelace tying (which will happen often!), or even chasing a dog off the pitch, it’s a good idea to stop the clock. Just remember to start it again. I tend to only pause if there is a long delay though as you can always let things run on after the time is up.
As a last resort, ask one of the coaches to keep track of time and give you a shout at the end of each period.
Play to the Whistle
At younger age groups, you can manage without a whistle, but having one makes your job much easier. There will likely be plenty of adults shouting from the side-lines, so it’s unrealistic to expect players to hear your voice over the noise. A whistle cuts through the clatter and helps control the game, so don’t be afraid to use it.
You might feel a little self-conscious at first and many new referees are naturally quiet, but stopping the game quickly is essential for safety. Young players are generally honest and have a strong sense of fair play, but they might not notice if the ball has gone out of play.
A quick “pip” on the whistle is the easiest way to pause the game and reset. If the players don’t hear it, try a longer “peep”. When full-time arrives, give it the longest, most dramatic “pip-pip-peeeeeep” you can muster!
Be Vocal on Decisions
I find if you clearly shout your decisions, like “play on”, “watch the pushing”, then this helps show the parents and players you are seeing things but deciding to let them run. This helps on bigger calls as there is more trust in you.
Contentious decisions means 50% of the players and crowd will disagree by nature, and that’s okay if you remain unwaivered, unless a trusted person with a better view gives advice. On our mud bath of a pitch this is incredibly helpful if the coaches give direction when balls go out on their side-line.
If I am not refereeing, I position myself on a corner on the parents line and help as a linesman, looking at the goal line and up the opposite side line. I know I’d appreciate it, as it is harder to see across the pitch than you’d think.
Let the Game Flow
While the whistle is your ally, try not to blow it unnecessarily. Young players are still learning the rules, so some of their football may seem a bit boisterous. Plus no football coaching school teaches kids how to tackle, it’s all ball mastery, shooting, passing and dribbling. I do feel this is wrong, so I do call fouls like tackles from behind, two handed pushes and excessive holding onto shirts. Because I feel the kids need to know this.
Occasional unintentional handballs are likely, but rarely worth stopping the game for. If something more obvious occurs, blow the whistle, explain what happened, and award a free kick, or a penalty if it happened in the area. Embrace the drama!
Be confident in your decisions but remember that refereeing a fast-paced game can be tricky, and you may miss things. If you’ve awarded a throw-in one way but everyone reacts as though you’ve made the wrong decision, admit your mistake, reverse it, and move on. This isn’t the Premier League, and you’ll gain more respect from the players and coaches by owning up to mistakes.
There is one last thing here, by letting the game flow with little comings together or repeated kicks on the ankles, there will be emotion created. This isn’t just tears, frustration and anger can boil over. Rightly or wrongly, I don’t stop the game if a kid is crying over a tough but fair tackle. Being honest, my son is a player who likes to fake injury when tackled. I kindly encourage and motivate them to get back on their feet.
Regarding the inevitable handbags, you can usually see trouble brewing between opposition players who are having a battle. I usually watch it to see how it develops and step in (literally stand between them). You can ask both coaches to sub them off or to talk to them before continuing the game, depending on the situation.
The official FA rules on fouls is worth a quick look, and obviously open to interpretation.
Fouls are split into careless, reckless or using excessive force. Now bearing in mind this is for the adult game, but they are defined as:
- Careless is when a player shows a lack of attention or consideration when making a challenge or acts without precaution. No disciplinary sanction is needed
- Reckless is when a player acts with disregard to the danger to, or consequences for, an opponent and must be cautioned
- Using excessive force is when a player exceeds the necessary use of force and endangers the safety of an opponent and must be sent off
Now there are no yellow or red cards, but if the occasion called for it I would insist a team permanently subbed off a player. But this would be extreme and in line with the clear red card offence of:
- serious foul play
- biting or spitting at someone
- violent conduct
- using offensive, insulting or abusive language and/or action(s)
So far, I have only seen one instance I thought worthy of this but it was an away game and their coach was ref (and obviously didn’t want to “send off” his best player). In this instance he kicked our 6 year old player in the crown jewels, in retaliation to being fairly tackled. All game he was over physical, including two handed pushes on players at pace when he was not going to get the ball first. In my opinion, players like this should be playing a year up.
Support Every Player
Young players will make plenty of mistakes, and your role as a referee is to help them learn. For example, from the 2024/25 season, deliberate heading of the ball is banned in U7, U8, and U9 football. If a player accidentally heads the ball, don’t make a big fuss about it. Simply stop the game, explain that heading is not allowed, and award an indirect free kick to the other team.
To reinforce this rule, throw-ins have been replaced by a pass or dribble-in from the touchline. Just remind them that they can pass or dribble, and move the other players back five yards.
If a player is fouling regularly or playing dangerously, give the free kick as required. However, avoid confronting the player directly, as it can be humiliating for children to be told off publicly. Instead, speak quietly to the coach, suggest they substitute the player to cool off, and let the coach have a private conversation with them.
This approach is particularly helpful when dealing with children with special educational needs or neurodiversity. Avoid confrontation on the pitch, and communicate with the coach to find out the best way to engage with the player.
It’s a bit different for me and others part of coaching team and I do forget this on occasion for the other teams, but it’s not my place to do more than communicate my refereeing decisions.
This isn’t wide spread, but I also like to encourage and applaud both teams as they play. These are kids, and any sense of fair play they pick up will make it pleasurable all round. And I always try to end the game with handshakes all round.
Dealing with Coaches and Parents
One of the biggest challenges in grassroots football is managing the behaviour of coaches and parents. Most kids will forget the result of the game within minutes of the final whistle, but for some adults, winning seems to take on more significance.
There should be an FA Respect barrier in place at the game. Ensure that parents, carers, and other supporters are standing behind it. If they’re too close to the players or standing behind the goal, politely ask them to move behind the barrier. If any parents are disruptive, speak to the coach, it’s their responsibility to manage spectator behaviour.
While coaches and parents may sometimes try to direct their players too much, it’s not your job to interfere unless it’s clearly affecting the players’ performance.
If you encounter abuse, whether directed at the players, coaches, or you as the referee, take it seriously. Fortunately, such behaviour is rare at younger age groups, as most people understand the importance of setting a positive example. However, if it happens, make a record of what you heard and when, and ask witnesses to do the same. Report the incident to the FA via the club after the match.
Enjoy the Experience!
Becoming a referee is a great way to support your child and their team. Although it may feel daunting at first with the pressure to get everything right, you’ll quickly become more comfortable with the role.
The job of a referee at this level is to allow the game to flow, help players learn, and contribute to a positive match-day experience. By the end of your first match, you’ll hopefully be ready to take on the whistle with confidence, rather than hide behind a tree!
Basic Laws and Rules for Small-Sided Games
5v5 and 7v7 matches (for ages U7–U10) follow the usual laws of football but with some specific rules designed to help young players learn the game safely:
- The game should be played with a size 3 ball, properly inflated but not too hard.
- Decide who kicks off first by tossing a coin or letting two players play ‘rock, paper, scissors’.
- Ensure each team has the correct number of players on the pitch before the match starts.
- Ensure opposition players are at least 5 yards away from the ball at kick-off and kick-ins.
- If the ball goes out over the touchline, award a pass or dribble-in, and move everyone back five yards from the ball. Players cannot shoot directly from a kick-in.
- For goal kicks, the goalkeeper can take it from anywhere inside their penalty area.
- The defending team must retreat to the halfway line for goal kicks, encouraging play to build from the back.
- No offsides until U11 (9v9), so there’s no need to worry about VAR unless it’s a 1966 did the ball cross the line moment.
So I’ve covered some things that may put you off. But you need to have a mindset of being instrumental in creating a good footballing environment, and this includes with being prepared for all eventualities. I can honestly say I’ve enjoyed being as ref, and believe by following these guidelines and taking a relaxed but confident approach, you’ll be helping to make grassroots football more enjoyable for all involved. Enjoy the game, and good luck!
